Tuesday, January 08, 2008

You Know You're (Going to Become)
a Crazy Cat Lady If...

  1. Whenever co-workers tell stories about their children, you interrupt with a comparable anecdote regarding your cat.
  2. Whenever someone says you "live alone," you get offended and promptly remind them of your kitties/kiddies.
  3. You have pictures of your cat(s) up at work and/or in your wallet.
  4. You think it's terrible that your health insurance doesn't include "cat coverage."
  5. You tried (this Saturday) to put a harness/leash on your cat so you could take her for a walk.
  6. Whenever life hands you lemons, you go to the shelter and get another cat to boost your spirits.
  7. You're terrified that when you die, no one will discover your body until after your cats have picked your skeleton clean.
  8. You're willing to stay in the same awful apartment for decades out of fear that a "move" would be too traumatizing for your cat(s).
  9. Seeing your cat(s) is the one and only thing you look forward to in your day.
  10. You spend your Fridays by putting your cat(s) in unusual headgear.

  11. You're a bit of a cat whisperer in that you're certain you can tell what your cat is "saying" to you based on the sound and duration of her meows.
  12. Your eyes well with tears of happiness when you think about something cute your cat(s) did — like, say, waiting for you at the front door when you come home.
  13. You don't mind so much when the cat(s) jump on the kitchen counter.
  14. Finding cat hair in your food no longer grosses you out.
  15. When people say your cat is "fat" you hastily jump to her defense, claiming she is just "big boned."
  16. You speak to your cat(s) using "baby talk."
  17. You send out a "family newsletter" at Christmas time, bringing people up to speed on your cat's health (not to mention, her various hijinks).
  18. You avoid dating because you don't want your cat(s) to become confused by men coming into (and then leaving) their lives.
  19. You list "playing laser tag with my cat(s)" among your hobbies.
  20. You celebrate your cat's birthday.
  21. With a party.
  22. There's cake.
This list is a work in progress. Feel free to add your own in the comments section, and/or shoot me an e-mail.


Michael K said...

I tried walking a cat once. Not a good time for either one of us.

Supafly Turbo Cyborg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Supafly Turbo Cyborg said...

Hey, I was wondering if you could help me? I met this really cool chick in college. She was fun to hang out with. She liked most movies I liked and was into books, motorcycles and working out. Oh, I almost forgot, she wasn't into creepy cat stuff. Can you help me find her?

P.S. Am I allowed to use mild profanity? I'm talking about normal person mild usage, not 'I was on a submarine' mild usage.

Tara said...

I love this. I can relate to (almost) every single one. Another - you put more thought into your cats' meals than your own.

ds said...

23... you blog about your cat. often enough that people remember.

M@ said...

The worst thing that ever happened to me was when my ex bought a special cake for the dog and invited our neighbors over (with THEIR dog) for a "doggie birthday party."

That was worse than the time I got hit by a car.

Supafly Turbo Cyborg said...

Holy crap! I just looked at this one minute ago and now ds has stolen my thunder. Now I'm going to have to brainstorm for another 4 hours to come up with a 24th reason.

M@ said...

Uh-oh, call Letterman. The Writer's Guild strike is over!

Anonymous said...

I have said it before and I'll say it again: On the plus side, you won't spend thousands of dollars only to have the cat quit college on you.

Meh said...

24. You shorten vacations/trips so you can come home sooner. You know, because your cat might get lonely without you.

Eli said...

I had an athletic cat, I could throw him across the room onto the couch and he'd run back to me for more!

He was great and healthy but I always fed him cheapo store brand food, haha. Are men immune from cat lady syndrome?

Beth said...

You’ve been TAGGED!

Pamela said...

so aMEWsing!! And revealing, too!

We have our daughter's cat "little girl" and she finally came out from beneath the bed.

She jumped up on the bed and crawled beneath the blanket. There was so much static electricity that there were sparks flying as she burrowed under there. Scared me!!
(see! a cat story. Bet you expected same)

=) said...

Walking a cat is much easier than milking a cat.

thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy said...

Michael K - I was completely unsuccessful. Couldn't get the harness on her (she's put on a couple pounds since I bought it), and when I just hooked the leash onto her collar, she starting biting it.

STC - Oh, man. She does sound cool. Bet she's still into those things, but has added a coupe new hobbies to the list. Like, say, cats and doilies.

Tara - Too true!

DS - I actually thought about adding that one to my initial list but left it off, figuring I'd leave that one for someone else — honest-to-God figured it'd be you or STC.

Matt - I don't want to side with your ex or anything, but I actually think that's funny... in a good way. It's all about intent, I think. If you take the party seriously, there's a problem. If you mean it to be a goof... then have at it. I may honestly throw Maude a party this year. What're you doing on the 24th of March?

BPP - Oddly enough, I'm even more depressed now that I've read your comment.

Meh - Another one I almost added. Good call! Think we're both guilty of that, right? Difference being you don't live alone, so I guess I still have 'that' working for me. Eh.

Eli - Doesn't seem fair, does it? Kind of like how a guy is a "stud" when he's popular with the ladies, but a girl gets called all sorts of names just for cuddling up with her boyfriend. Stupid double standards.

Pamela - I love it when cats and dogs do that. So cute.

=) - You've tried?

disgruntled world citizen said...

25. you give your cats royal titles, i.e. barron von woodster and princess emma.

XOXO said...

26. Your friends go to the store and think, "Oh I bet Maude would like this..."

One time my sister had a party for the quarterback of her favorite team. He doesn't know. We felt it was best for both of them if he didn't know. She baked a cake and everything.