Thursday, March 06, 2008

Paradigm Shift - Part II

I have never been what you might call "beautiful."

While generally average in appearance — and perhaps "cute" on some scales — I'm what the giants of our society might refer to as "vertically challenged," barely hitting the 5'4 mark on most charts.

Factor in my lack of interest in high heels and my ability to go days without a proper shower and make-up (if I'm camping), and I'm far from elegant, to boot. And since elegance, for a woman, is so often tied to beauty...

I'm once again at a loss.

And yet: just feet away from my gym is one of two grocery stores I frequent, picking up ingredients for those rare nights spent cooking at home. One evening after a particularly vicious workout, I spun through the rotating doors of that chain grocery store not once, but twice, my dual spin anything but an accident.

You see, some clever patron had managed to wedge a peculiar sticker on the wall just beyond the door. How they did this without losing their fingers is beyond me, but I appreciate their efforts all the same.

I mean: what I saw made me smile, a feat that's rarely been accomplished these past few months.

And so I resolved to revisit that scene with my camera, each day pulling into the gym parking lot and thinking: later, maybe later.

Until weeks had passed, and I was sick with the fear that I had missed my window of opportunity.

But I had not, as evidenced by my eventual arrival there, with my camera in tow.

I stopped the rotating door mid-spin, rested my arm against the lever, and snapped the shutter any number of times, realizing all the while that no photograph can replace the actual experience of stumbling onto such a find in that split second between the outside, and the in.



And just as there is no substitute for the experience, I realize now — weeks since I took these photographs (I'd been waiting for the proper words to post them) — that no number of randomly placed urban artifacts...

...and no matter how many times I spin through those doors....

That sometimes it's impossible to believe anything about yourself until you hear someone else speak the words, earnestly and only,

to you.


But right now: everything is quiet. Too quiet, in fact, with a corporate fan circulating a hum of fiscally-sound air — my only solace over the dull sting of tinnitus.

12 comments:

M@ said...

You are beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Yes, you are.
~BPP

david said...

If I could hand you one of these, I would.

Supafly Turbo Cyborg said...

I think you may be critiquing your appearance a bit harshly. Of course, I'm bald and I have a big nose.

bookfraud said...

the truly beautiful women i know are never aware of their beauty (internal & external), so i would bet you score much higher on the cute scale than you're letting on.

since when is 5-4 short? don't tell that to my 5-1 mother.

the sticker was awesome. thanks for posting it.

Franki said...

Wow, you are a giant! I don't even register 5'2. ;)

I loved the sticker!

A said...

I have always told you, that if you ever realized how funny, smart and beautiful you were, you would be a much happier person.

But, hey, can't let you be happy or self-confident now can we!

Ya know we <3 ya girl.

Stacy said...

I think you are beautiful, and smart, and funny and a fabulous artist, and if I was gay and psychotic, which I am not, I might be obsessed with you-so there.

disgruntled world citizen said...

as far as i can tell, 5'4" is the perfect size. and actually, i think you are quite cute. ;)

The First Domino said...

Behind the facade that you call flesh and bone,

is a you more grandly built, more
powerfully strong,

than any structure earth could boast of,

as it was fashioned with the finger of God and the
hand of love.

MelO said...

What a great random act of kindness that person performed! I'm sure it has brought many smiles, or at least I hope so!

It's been a while since I've visited your blog, but this was such a nice post to read first. Thanks for sharing!!

XOXO said...

You could look at that sign two ways. Smuggly with a "yeah right," or smiling saying, "yeah I know!"
It's like the times I say excuse me and people say, "it's okay, you're fine." I respond, (to myself of course) "I know!"