Tuesday, December 04, 2007

It's My Potty and I'll Cry If I Want To

The Good News: My toilet has been sufficiently repaired, insofar as flushing is now a veritable breeze. I simply push the lever, and — voila! — homeostasis is achieved. No holding, jiggling or caressing required.

The Bad News: The porcelain cover to my toilet tank now looks like this:

(That yellow stuff is gorilla glue peeking up through the parts I was sorta able to fit back together).

The Ugly News, Part I: I appear to have a single, tiny sliver of said porcelain lodged into the soles of each of my feet.

The Ugly News, Part II: Tank covers aren't sold separately from tanks. At least, that's what I was told at each of the three hardware stores I went to — including two big chains and one locally owned treasure. I did, however, find a plumbing supply store that sells them online. Now, once I figure out which model of American Standard toilet I have, I'll be spending anywhere from $60 to $150 for the lid.

The Ugly News, Part III: Yesterday while attempting to straighten up my bed, I noticed the sheets were soaked through at the head of my bed. Ditto with my pillowcases. Upon further inspection, I realized yellowish water was oozing out of my walls in three different spots, even damaging the back of the painting that hangs behind my bed (which just happens to be my favorite piece of unoriginal wall art). I've yet to determine the cause, and for now I'm calling the mysterious substance "ectoplasmic residue."

Where are the Ghostbusters when you need them?


Michael K said...

I would contact your landlord ASAP about the water problems. My guess is there is a burst pipe somewhere in your building. Very common this time of year especially of there is a vacant appartment in your building.

Don't go wasting money buying a new tank lid. Go to a salvage yard or go to a work site that is gutting an apartment building and ask for a lid. Most are the same size and your landlord will never know if it doesn't fit just right.

I am so cheap.

M@ said...

And you're blogging from... El Salvador, Yawp?

I was just about to update everyone on how I cleaned my kitchen last night. I found a homeless guy in there and now he wants to sue me.

rick prose said...


after reading your post, i looked online and was amazed at the prices people are getting for toilet tank lids, incredible. if you can live without it for a while, you should be able to find something practically free. not sure how the garbage disappears in your town, but find out if there's a landfill, dump, whatever that is open to the public and look there.
at the very least, it'll be fun and educational.

porcelain slivers, by the way, hurt like hell, but tend to come out more easily than wood splinters, not that that's any consolation when you have one in your foot.

stay away from the wet wall, far away...


Stacy said...

Oh no, I cannot offer any advice about the poltergeist, but the toilet tank cover yes. I would got to Roses, KMart or one of those places and buy one of those shag carpet toilet tank covers. They come in pretty colors, seriously. In a bathroom that size how did you manage to not break your foot?

thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy said...

Michael - I wound up contacting her yesterday after work. She stopped by this morning, mostly because people in the other half of the building aren't getting any heat. It's looking like there's a leak in the radiator line, and it's seeping into my walls. Not good at all.

Matt - I nominate myself for the most interesting blog of all time award. Did I REALLY post about my toilet? Man, I'm so boring.

Rick - I'm leaving that possibility as an option. Right now a friend of a friend might be able to get sumthin' for me. We'll see.

Stacy - It is tiny, isn't it?

Woodrow said...

I'm with commenter #1. Just get one that's close to the same size and color and stick it on there. No one will ever know. Except the whole internet. Or do the carpet cover idea.