Friday, December 14, 2007

The Hunt

It is a commonly held belief among single women that the "best" males of our species are either already taken or otherwise unavailable.

[That is to say, "gay"].

Whether there's any truth to this belief -- or it's merely a scapegoat for the terrified & lonely -- the fact remains that specific traits once touted as a means of "advertising" to other homosexual men are falling to the wayside.

Or to put it more plainly: as an alternative lifestyle is increasingly embraced by the mainstream, there is less need for what is often termed "flamboyant" dress or behavior. The earring in the right ear, the stereotypical gait, the lisp, etc. These things are less and less common in daily life, particularly in large cities where the pickings are certainly more plentiful.

And while this is a net positive for society as a whole (acceptance is most definitely a good thing), this nevertheless frustrates those aforementioned females.

Take, for example, three 20-something girls strolling through a store and spying three 20 or 30-something men walking nearby.

Each well-groomed with that undeniable look of the well-rounded intellectual: smart but witty; bookish but well-versed in the art of team sports; a creative-spirit, thrilled to leave the city for a weekend of camping.

One of the females looks to her friend, and they communicate their shared interest by pursing glossy lips and raising perfectly plucked brows. One female tips her head in the general direction of the three men. Her friend nods, their full attention on the Alpha males and their well-adorned shopping carts.

"Oh. My. God," says one of the men, turning to his male companion and delicately touching his arm. "This will look so cute at our place."

One female looks at the other, offering a quick shake of her head. The second tucks in the left corner of her lip and offers an audible exhale. The third -- visibly stunned -- stands painstakingly still, blinking.

And blinking.

Before turning her back on the men with a sigh that no gods dared to hear.

16 comments:

Supafly Turbo Cyborg said...

Come on, seriously...

Did you really think your dreams would come true when you saw three obviously gay men at the mall? You didn't even have to describe the scene any more than you did and I knew they played for the other team. If you don't see at least one "guy" in a group of three buddies, they don't dig chicks. I think I may have one acquaintance that may fit your so called ideal and he is so shallow, we used to call him Kiddie Pool(The sad thing is, he never got it.) If you want to ensure a group of guys likes pink (and not as an accent color for their breakfast nook) you should expect them to appear as average guys. Think of me, Snackpie, and Jerr in Boston if you want a hetero guy approximation.

On the other hand, isn't it funny how I would not be disappointed if there were several lesbians fawning over stuff for their house? (Female P.E. teachers will be excluded from this fantasy.)

Tara said...

So sad. But buck up little camper, there are good ones out there!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, all the good ones are taken or gay. Or crazy as an outhouse rat. But that is another story for another time...

STC has a point. I think it has to do with that whole "lesbian fantasy" thing most guys have. (Female PE teachers and track coaches who teach you how to throw a Shot Put definitely excluded.)

~BPP

=) said...

Sadly the give away for me is that the three men we shopping together sans female force.

I know it's possible (you've met my totally hetero yet extremely metro relative Neil), but so highly improbable that you'd have better luck using your powerball winnings to hire a PI to find another group of three than running into them on your own!

thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy said...

STC - Relax, man. This is meant to be humorous. Facetious, even. Besides, you underestimate my tastes. My "ideal" — if I have one — certainly wouldn't include "shallow" among his personality traits.

Tara - I'm sure there are. But apparently they're all ninjas, because they're very good at hiding.

BPP - Yeah, we all know how much you guys dig that.

=) - Let us not forget, that cousin of yours is married.

Woodrow said...

I get it. Cock hunting. Ha!

disgruntled world citizen said...

interesting.

Winter said...

Holy crap. So funny...

Franki said...

Metrosexuals are just hotter than rednecks. What are we gals supposed to do?

=) said...

Married indeed. Which does support my case that they DO exist (Ninja or not). Said relative is well groomed, well spoken, and a darn snappy dresser. Add to that the fact that he's about to become a father again, obviously able he's also able to "rise to the occasion" in the presence of a woman.

So to contradict STC (who seemed to take offense rather quickly, wonder what a therapist would have to say about that) you SHOULD NOT expect your "prey" to appear to be average. Average is SO last year!

Anonymous said...

RE: That We were talking about it at trivia the other night. Most guys are into to it because two women are a lot less threatening than another guy would be.

And not all guys have that fantasy, oddly enough.

As far as them being ninjas, well, they are in demand and there are a lot of people hunting them.
~BPP

thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy said...

Woodrow - I swear, this was going to be titled "The Hunt" even before your post. That's just a humorous coincidence.

Franki - There's a limit to the appeal of both groups for me, honestly. Can't have 'em too prissy...

=) - True dat. Though "average" appearance can be quite appealing so long as it's worn by the right personality. I generally don't care about the physical attributes of a guy, so much as how they carry themselves, look at the world around them, etc.

=) said...

I've always said (ok actually it's been said to me) that beauty is only a light switch away!

Should I be offended that the Chief has told me that on more than one occasion?

I've also heard it said that "Someone has to truck the uglies" but I think that's an entirely different post. =)

ds said...

hmm. the head of women. what a strange place. here everything is so simple.

M@ said...

Ha! Hysterical. That's why I got hit on by the gay guy. So I wear dress shoes w/ jeans? That's how I do it. That's how I roll. I am 100% heterosexual but I refuse to wear a plaid shirt to attract women. Not gonna do it. Wouldn't be prudent.

XOXO said...

Can you imagine what someone would have thought if they'd witnessed this situation. HaHA! Joke's on you ladies! :(