Still Further Proof that the Man Upstairs Hates Me with an Unabashed Passion

After penny-pinching for a few months and holding out for the best price possible, I recently bought some much coveted airfare at surprisingly low rates.

But necessity also compelled me to purchase a couple more outfits for work (figured "business casual" didn't call for holey shirts and frayed pants bottoms), which I did whilst enjoying a friends and family discount for the Republican Banana.

I even started shopping for a new wireless phone, as my contract was about to expire and it was time for an upgrade.

But God would have none of that.

Oh, no.

Rather, Maude has been suspiciously lazy and keeps adding on weight (not to mention, urinating in weird places), and a routine exam at the vet revealed that she most likely has a rare (though not entirely unheard of) condition that causes cysts — and secondary infections — to form in the bladder. What's that mean for me?

X-rays. Blood cultures. Urinalysis. Antibiotics via oral syringe. Temperature taking by means I'd rather not describe. Needing to add two more litter boxes to my one-bedroom apartment. Dietary supplements she turns her nose up at.

And lots and lots of money.

But oh, no, that's not all!

Of the two new litter boxes, the vet insisted one NOT have a lid.

So can you guess where Maude and Guest Cat both prefer to do their business?

Yes. That's right — number one and number two... from both cats... in the same, unhooded box.

That means litter all over the floor, occasional spill-over, and a smell that no amount of Glade Plug-Ins can erase.

The other two bigger, prettier — and most importantly, covered — boxes remain pristine.*

But that, still, is not all.

I went in for an oil change and found out my car was due for much more costly maintenance. So I paid the price, only to have them say, "Everything looks good."

But, hey, they topped off the windshield wiper fluid, and we all know how expensive that is (SMIRK).

In other words: I paid almost $200 for a few ounces of something I had a whole container of in the trunk of my car.

But wait — there's more!

Early this week, my cell phone (which is my main phone) went from old-but-functional to doesn't-hold-a-charge-overnight.

In other words: the battery is shot. As is its car charger, the bluetooth that goes with it, and the corded hands-free set I purchased to try and replace the latter on-the-cheap.

So I can replace the battery, bluetooth and car charger for my current phone at full price, or renew my two-year contract and get a new, better phone at a discounted rate.

OK, OK. I'm complaining when I shouldn't. But here's my real beef with the powers-that-be.

(And in this case, I mean Warner Bros).

The next Harry Potter film — originally slated to release this November — has been pushed back EIGHT MONTHS.

That's right. No more witches and wizards until July 2009.

That sound you hear — shhhh... — that's my heart dying.

A moment of silence, please.


*My priority, of course, is Maude's health — and I don't care if that makes me a crazy cat lady. Of course I wouldn't gripe about the money if I suspected she wasn't going to be OK. I'm taking donations all the same.

Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix (Movie Review)

I won't explain myself -- and my obsession with the Harry Potter series -- again.

(That's what hyperlinks are for.)

But I will say I enjoyed this film quite a bit, which should come as no surprise to anyone who's kept up on my almost-medical condition.

That's not to say this fifth film (of seven) is necessarily as good as the previous. I didn't expect it to be -- each book is longer, and so directors and screenwriters alike are forced to cut more and more out in order to transform 900 page books into 2 1/2 hours. It's no measly task, and I think both parties deserve fair credit for keeping the film on track with the main storyline.

[Even if they do rely more and more on quick clips of The Daily Prophet (the preferred newspaper for all non-muggles) to fill in narrative gaps]

In The Order of the Phoenix (2007), Harry returns to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for his fifth year. That means he's 16, and so going through all of the typical rites of passage for that age (first real kiss, growing body, angst, confusion, attempts to define "self," etc.). But Harry also has the added distinction of being the most famous boy at school -- a modern day "savior," really.

But, alas, no one believes Harry when he says He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (Lord Voldemort aka "Tom Riddle") has returned to destroy their world, and even The Daily Prophet is siding with the Ministry of Magic in trashing Potter and his hero, head master Albus Dumbledore, positioning both as "liars."

With all of the world against him, Potter thus feels all the more alone (something any teenager can relate to). But once he realizes the Order of the Phoenix (a group of "good" adult witches and wizards) is by his side, he aspires to likewise prepare his schoolmates -- even after Hogwarts is taken over by the Ministry.

And there, in typical J.K. Rowling fashion, is the part where the author inserts political and social commentary, with the Ministry and its failure to recognize the truth -- all the while inflicting torture on those it deems to be in the wrong -- bearing an uncanny resemblance to past and present governments. Recent infringements of certain civil liberties in the "real" world certainly come to mind.

Fast notes about the movie:

• I'd forgotten how altogether creepy Luna Lovegood was
• Neville Longbottom plays a pretty big role in the book, particularly in a cetain fight scene. I was sorry to see him back in the shadows in the film
• Like the book, this isn't as good as the third installment, but I preferred it over the fourth
• Don't take little kids to see this. If thy're not old enough to read it and understand it, they're not old enough to watch it.
• This film is the darkest thus far -- but that's to be expected, since each book is darker than the previous. Thus, it feels a little less escapist as Potter battles more "serious" demons -- both external and internal
• It's still escapism as a whole, and I realize I sound like a real dork by even writing in such detail about the series
• I don't care

Anyhoo. I'm off to do something intellectual.

Just kidding.

FINAL GRADE: B+

Of Secrets & Slytherin

The first book in the Harry Potter series was released sometime between my junior year in high school and my sophomore year in college (go ahead — do the math... you've probably already guestimated my age with some accuracy, anyway).

I don't recall the exact year, as I refused to read it. I figured a book that received so much press was likely to be pulp, and so I snubbed my nose and read things like Melville and Shakespeare in-between Calculus exams.

Yes, I was that kind of girl.

The mere mention of wizards and muggles and Rowling and — yes — even the utterance of the letters "J" and "K" would send a shiver of disgust down my elitist spine.

But then I changed my major from Biology/pre-med to English, and took a class in children's lit as an elective.

I cannot begin to explain to you the horror I felt upon seeing Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone on the syllabus. I mean, sure, Alice in Wonderland, Tuck Everlasting, Wind in the Willows — these are books I expected to see on there. But not, for the love of God, not Harry Potter.

Geek that I am, my snobbery for current popular literature was no match for my drive towards a decent GPA, and it was with a sigh and a smirk that I first cracked the cover.

What happened from there is the stuff of Hogwart's history.

I was little short of in love.

I couldn't read fast enough and yet however fast I read, it was too fast, as finishing the book likewise meant my own journey down Privet Drive was over.

When we discussed the book in class, I had to contain my excitement, for fear that my peers might discover (and thus hang me for) my newfound fascination. And yet, still, secretly I hurried on to other books in the series, eventually catching up with everything that had been published, and then anxiously awaiting every subsequent release.

Skip ahead a couple years to grad school, where I discovered a few other closet fans — we seemed to find comfort in numbers and so would proudly stack our copies of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix betwixt Lolita and The Taming of the Shrew (this is blaspheme to some of you, I know).

We discussed characters, analyzed plots, and yet — somehow — managed to do all of this without spoiling the fun of reading what some academics condemn as being "escapist" literature (which it is in a way, sure, but if a story is nevertheless well-written, why is "escapism" necessarily a bad thing).

We watched the films with a similar sort of zeal, indulging in the literature and the movies — and even the occasional board game — without taking it much further than that.

And I must admit, I expect this July to be the highlight of my 2007, with the final book (number 7) and the fifth film both slated to release this summer.

When I e-mailed a couple friends suggesting we have a reunion in Orlando in 2009 — and further lamented, with a humorous nod, that having two big Harry Potter releases in the same month wouldn't leave me with much to look forward to for the rest of the year — one friend e-mailed this back to me.

OK, OK. I get the point.

I have a problem. But this is one indulgence I don't mind giving in to.

(Besides, comparing myself to those losers* gives me a reason to feel a little better about myself.)

And for those of you as yet unconverted: go ahead, make fun of me. Judge me.

I'll be so busy planning my Hermione costume for the midnight release of the next film, that I won't even notice.**



*Irony not only noted, but intended more so for sarcastic purposes
**Just kidding. —I'll notice.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire(Pseudo Movie Review)

Yes, I admit it.

Not only do I enjoy Harry Potter movies, but I also love the books. I was hesitant to indulge at first, myself being one of those people who snubbed pop (pulp) culture (yes, I still refuse to read The Da Vinci Code). But I had little choice five years ago when a professor assigned Book One for a children's literature course. There are few keen life insights, but, man, that's entertaining stuff (so much so in fact, that I've since purchased & read the rest of the series — before passing each book along to my father).

I also own each of the films, and await every installment with baited breath (gross!). The recent DVD release of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was no exception. I re-watched it in full this past weekend and was, per the norm, very much amused.

Much like the past two films (Chamber of Secrets and The Prisoner of Azkaban), I'd caution parents against allowing young children to view this movie. One of the closing scenes is particularly disturbing — certainly one of the darkest of all six books thus far. That disclaimer aside, I otherwise enjoyed this film. Even though it's not necessarily my favorite, I do think it was the best adaptation to date. As a book,Goblet is probably my least favorite (too much petty squabbling amongst friends), but the film version aptly captures teenage angst without allowing it to drone on for too long.

But these things are to expected in any "coming of age" novel — even if it is about witches and wizards and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named type villains. As a Bildungsroman, Harry Potter has a target audience whose age count is considerably smaller than mine. But I take great pleasure in knowing my fondness for this series was matched by several of my grad school friends. (I was pleasantly surprised when grad school, among other things, turned out to be a support group for closet Potter-holics).

(And no, I don't mean Herman Melville's Israel Potter — another great work, for very different reasons.)

In sum: Goblet book = least favorite of the series. Goblet film = not necessarily the best in the series so far, but easily the best adaptation. Don't let small children see it.

The end.