I Hear Ann Arbor is Lovely This Time of Year

Every year this fine city requires its residents purchase a "city sticker."

This sticker isn't an automatic pass for free parking. It doesn't offer a discount, or even the guarantee of expensive parking (which is most often all you'll find, if you're lucky enough to find anything). And if you don't live in this city — and so don't have a sticker — there's no penalty for driving here, or no additional fee at toll boths or anything of the sort.

In fact, this "city sticker" really only serves one purpose:

It prevents residents from being fined $140 every time a police officer wanders past their car.

That's it. That's all it does.

How much does such a sticker cost, you ask? $10? Maybe $25?

No. The city sticker costs $75 — or $80.50 if you buy it any place other than a city office (and, let's be honest, who wants to stand in line there?).

The very notion of this sticker infuriates me, as it has no added value to the user, beyond fine prevention. I mean, we all know we have to buy license plates. That's a given no matter where you live. And, OK, so it costs me three times as much to plate my car here as it did in my home state, but at least plates serve a standard, universal purpose, right? They identify your vehicle in case of emergency, pull over, theft, etc.

Which just goes to show the city sticker can't even serve on that level, without being superfluous.

I bring this up because I purchased a car this weekend (or sorta did, since they didn't have what I wanted on the lot but claimed one of their dealerships in a neighboring state did). Now, because I won't be able to pick up my car until Tuesday (hopefully — I won't believe I have a new car until I'm driving it away from the lot) — and because city stickers expired this weekend — that means I had to purchase a city sticker for my old car, even though I'll (keep your fingers crossed for me) only have it for two more days.

And I know what you're thinking: it's only two days. You live in a city with millions of people. What are the odds they'd ticket you?

Those of you who know me — and my peculiar brand of luck — know precisely what those odds are.

Besides, I saw online that they allow you to "transfer" stickers. All you have to do is take your old sticker (which will be in pieces, since they're impossible to peel from your windshield) into a city office, and they'll give you a new one.

No prices were quoted, so part of me hoped that meant it'd be free, though I suspected otherwise.

So I went into a certified sticker "dealer" last night. Explained how I'd only have my car for two more days. Confirmed transfers were possible. Purchased my sticker. And then said:

"There's not a fee for transferring is there?"

Silence.

Typing.

More silence.

"It'll be $27."

In addition to the $80.50 I just paid? Are you kidding me?! UGH!

I realize $27 isn't a lot of money, particularly in comparison to the $140 ticket I'd otherwise get. But, c'mon, now I'm just ticked off on principle.

And for the record: I read that the police were out full force, starting at 12:01 last night looking for scofflaws; and in the next week, they'll be patrolling city-certified parking garages for missing stickers.

God forbid they directed their resources towards fighting crime, helping the poor and — egad! — busting government corruption.*


*City stickers (among other things) can only be paid for in cash. City, county and state officials here have a long history of underreporting cash earnings as a means of lining their own pockets.